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Top 5 Items Over a Million Dollars I Can Live Without

Life must be stressful when money is no object. Imagine having the cash to buy absolutely anything at all. The misery of being forced into the daily grind of deciding what not to buy would get me down. We should take some time out to spare a thought for our billionaire buddies. When you’re broke you don’t need to worry too much about which items over a million dollars you’ll pass on, but for an unfortunate wealthy few, it is a dilemma. Some rich folk like to acquire museums full of cars with their hard earnt cash, others like Madonna and Angelina Jolie like to collect African kids. These are the five items I wouldn’t buy if mega-rich:

Toilet Roll: $1,300,000 "This is the most expensive toilet paper roll in the world," the product seller boasts, in a rather odd description - don't they understand their product is not made of paper? "As you use the toilet paper 22-carat gold flakes will fall onto the floor, taking you to another level of sophistication. This is 100 percent useable and safe and made proudly in Australia," they say. It’s tempting because it comes gift wrapt, but even so, you’d flush your money down the toilet with this purchase.

Office Chair: $1,500,000 The Xten is a collaboration between Italian design firm Pininfarina and furnishings experts, Aresline. Pininfarina provides upholstery for supercars such as the Ferrari and Maserati. The chair is finished with Technogel, a fabric designed for Olympic athletes. The problem for me here is I just don’t like the color. Furthermore, with the sports car and olympian connection, this is a fast chair, but I’m not convinced I’d have space in my office to get it up to full speed. I think I’ll stick to my beanbag.

Yellow Submarine: $3,600,000 Anyone familiar with the Beatles song about living in a yellow submarine might want to consider buying one, but I’d be embarrassed to be seen by scuba divers in this. That said, if I ever buy an orca I’ll order a submarine to go along with it.

Killer Whale: $7,000,000 I must admit I’ve always wanted to own an orca. These days, a new one, freshly caught from the wild, will set you back seven-million dollars, and that’s without the bowl and water. That’s a bit steep considering you could buy a used Russian orca for just one million bucks back in 2002. I like to think I’m getting a good deal so this huge run-up in price puts me off a little. Also, as much as I’d love to own an orca, just cleaning a goldfish bowl is tedious enough for me, and I suspect a killer whale would be more hassle than it’s worth.

Cristiano Ronaldo: $133,000,000. Plus ego expenses. It would be handy to keep Ronaldo in storage, to bring out on those humiliating occasions when falling behind in a backyard soccer game with old schoolmates who think they’re shit hot. But even so, I’m not convinced he’s the best value for money. I’d buy Lionel Messi instead. Less maintenance, less greasing of the ego, and more years ahead before the expiry date.


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